Getting Back to Me

I have a phrase that runs through my head a lot, usually when I'm thinking about how much I need to lose weight. The phrase is, "I need to get back to me." In my mind "me" is the skinny, healthy 124 pound woman I was 7 years ago, the time when I considered myself to be in the best shape of my life. I ran a lot, and participated in a parallel bar workout three times a week at the gymnastics gym down the road. (An excellent core workout and I wish there was still a place I could do it.)

As I look back on that time I was proud of myself I was in control (of a few things) and I felt good. But there were things missing in that "me." I hadn't started writing for real yet, so I wasn't even close to realizing that dream, I wasn't Primary President, (head of the children's organization in my congregation), I didn't have many of the friends I have now, and most importantly, I didn't have the experience I have now.

In a heartbeat, I would take back the body I had then, but there isn't a chance that I'd trade that for all the experiences I've had in the last seven years.

Today I thought about "getting back to me" as I was doing my run. (On week seven of a twenty-six week marathon training schedule because I AM going to do this). What I realized was, I don't want to get back to the me I was seven years ago, I want to make the me I am now better. I want to be in shape, and in control, and have my writing and my Primary kids, and all the experiences I've had for the last seven years--even the bad ones.

Instead of trying to compete with the person I was back then, I'm moving forward and learning what I need to do to be the best me now.